I had never ever felt as if I belonged in the United States. As a educated, open minded, beautiful,logical young black woman; I continuously looked for my place in society. Fortunate to begin traveling young, I saw life from a different perspective. I distanced myself from the American media because I felt it did not represent me or members of my family. My take on things was always seemingly different from others in my peer group. In college, I had hoped to connect with more like minded people, but most were trendy.. connected to their T.V. and phones, wanting to emulate celebrities without any rhyme or reason. I was always more independent and more enthralled with the success of my personal life over watching others live theirs. I cultivated only a few strong relationships in college, which left me frustrated, after all the universities and colleges are supposed to be churning out the next generation. Where exactly did I fit with them? My love life was always in a perpetual mess. I possess a deep passionate love in which many of those I loved could not understand. The average young American is dealing with plenty of dysfunction in their lives.. may it be family issues, drug problems or emotional issues. We are promoted to address the exterior more than the internal. For those of us that really are who we appear to be, it is difficult to connect and build with those that mask in an facade. Several people I dated left me only to return when they were more mature, trying to rekindle, but I had moved on and was no longer interested. I attributed this to the more liberal lifestyles that are constantly promoted in American culture. The more conservative way is perceived as 'outdated' and more modern ways (often stupid and not tried nor true) are heralded. In the more recent years of my adulthood I have found it absolutely unbearable. Between the lack of quality education,the toxic foods,the deception, the terribly biased media, the violence and unjust treatment of people of color, the lack of community preservation or conservation, blatant religious attacks on Christians, perpetuation of homosexuality, impressionable leaders that conformed to the ideas of those they were supposed to be leading, just to name a few.. I was waking up depressed, spending nearly every day pondering about my future and the future of my future children. I would often cry in despair.. wondering if my voice was just a grain of sand on a beach. I married a foreign man, hoping to avoid certain cultural pitfalls, but was confronted with others. I yet again felt alienated even with the person who was ideally supposed to be my lifelong partner. After a few years of strained marriage he opted for divorce. I was sad but not surprised that he would quit. After all he was completely immersed in American culture, and had developed a mindset to mirror theirs of disposable relationships. I am unusual in the respect that I am very traditional. I believe in order, I believe in courtesy for your neighbor. I believe in considering future generations when making choices today, and regarding marriage; I do not believe in quitting. My American peers are a reckless bunch.. interested in only self. Feeding their burning lusts with no consideration of how this will impact the rest of the world. Over the years, I learned not to procrastinate on my dreams.. and it was during one of these dreams realized (a solo trip to London) that I found an place I was comfortable in. The BBC hosted great quality programming, the streets and subways were kept clean,roads maintained, government abreast and involved in community issues, traditional lifestyle was promoted and significantly less violence. The British actually scoffed at the Americans; pitied them for there absolute foolish behaviors, just as they have over the decades of American decline. Understanding that in order to prepare for the future, hard decisions must be made and executed. After two trips to the U.K, observing the lifestyle in both central London and the English countryside... I was sold on my next move: migrating to the U.K. By the time I returned from my second excursion late in the fall of that year; things in my life had also consequently lined up for the move. My ex requested a divorce, i believe under the impression it would hinder me, but it propelled me forward with violent force. I filed for my British passport in December of that year, and in March of the following year my citizenship to the U.K. was granted. I now had full rights to work and live in the U.K., and absolutely astonishing feat and accomplishment considering recent British immigration laws (I applied through decent through an Bermudian mother). I had determined that if I were to receive it, that I would make the move in hopes for a better life for my children and for myself. I was now faced with the colossal process of piecing together a plan that would get me there, but I was up for the challenge.
